2. Tears
slowly, softly
3. The compassion of friends
Rilke, Teddy, Toni, Jonathan
4. Contemplation of the truth
I need do nothing.
5. Sleep and baths
slowly, softly
—Saint Thomas Aquinas
I must have the right to say “No.” Only I can give myself this right on a meaningful basis. My no is a function of some of the deepest compassionate feelings for myself. This no of mine represents whatever force I can bring against anything in me or outside of me which I recognize as being antithetical to my well-being. This no represents me at my most grown up. This no makes my yes meaningful. Without this no I am without healthy, self-preserving defenses against infantile aspects of myself … Without this no I am indefensible against the demands of other people and their desires.
―Compassion and Self-Hate, Theodore Isaac Rubin
When we deeply grasp what has happened to us, it becomes clear that we’re doing great. One of the essential shifts in perspective that I’m hoping you’ll take from The Joyous Recovery is to drop the notion, “I need to change what’s wrong with me,” and replace it with, “It’s incredible that I’ve done as well as I have. Now it’s time to do even better.”
Think of healing not as a process of changing, but the opposite: of becoming more truly the person you’ve always been. It’s about going back along the road picking up all the pieces of yourself that were taken from you along the way. We’re not trying to fix what’s wrong with you; we’re trying to set what’s right with you free.
—The Joyous Recovery, Lundy Bancroft
The ancient Mesopotamian goddess Inanna was called “the Queen of Heaven.” Her domains were politics, divine law, love, and fertility. She was a powerhouse. One chapter of her mythic story tells of her descent into the underworld. She was stripped of everything—clothes, titles, weapons—before she could be reborn. Why did she do it? Scholars say she was on a quest for greater knowledge and an expansion of her authority. And she was successful! I propose we make her your guide and companion in the coming weeks, Libra. You are at the tail-end of your own descent. The stripping is almost complete. Soon you will feel the first tremors of return—not loud, not triumphant, but sure. I have faith that your adventures will make you stronger and wiser, as Inanna’s did for her. —Rob Brezsny