the lingering
scent of orchids
in a private room
— Bashō
Starry-eyed
It’s been at least three decades since she told me that she wanted to disappear without leaving a trace, and I’m the only one who knows what she means. She never had in mind any sort of flight, a change of identity, the dream of making a new life somewhere else. And she never thought of suicide, repulsed by the idea that Rino would have anything to do with her body, and be forced to attend to the details. She meant something different: she wanted to vanish; she wanted every one of her cells to disappear, nothing of her ever to be found. And since I know her well, or at least I think I know her, I take it for granted that she has found a way to disappear, to leave not so much as a hair anywhere in this world …
She was expanding the concept of trace out of all proportion. She wanted not only to disappear herself, now, at the age of sixty-six, but also to eliminate the entire life that she had left behind.
— My Brilliant Friend, Elena Ferrante
Compelling Enthusiasm
The reason most people find healing so hard is that they’ve had so little help, so little guidance, and so little information. Emotional recovery can be, and should be, a joyous journey. People who get the right pieces in place find that:
- healing moves fast.
- some gains are immediate, with many more to follow.
- the pleasure greatly outweighs the pain.
- the parts that do involve hard work are so rewarding that the underlying feeling remains, “I can totally do this.”
- healing is not a solitary undertaking, and it leads rapidly to greater and greater connection …
If you’re still alive, there’s still time. You can gain back a vibrant, connected, satisfying life. Pain, anxiety, and isolation do not need to dominate.
— The Joyous Recovery, Lundy Bancroft
Patience I
Is not a child of God worth patience? I have shown you infinite patience because my will is that of our Father, from Whom I learned of infinite patience. His voice was in me as It is in you, speaking for patience towards the Sonship in the Name of its Creator.
Now you must learn that only infinite patience produces immediate effects. This is the way in which time is exchanged for eternity. Infinite patience calls upon infinite love, and by producing results now it renders time unnecessary.
— A Course in Miracles